Dating a man who has been hurt before

Dating a man who has been hurt before

He's had a string of terrible relationships that will inform how he acts with you. Duh, but there's more. It's very likely that he's been burned before and it was traumatic enough that he's wary of being hurt again. If that history has been established, keep it in mind moving forward. If he's acting irrationally, it certainly isn't your fault, but take into consideration that within reason it isn't entirely his fault either.

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Feminine socialization emphasizes personal communication, and, consequently, the oft-termed "fairer sex" is generally perceived as being more emotional. However, that does not mean that men are incapable of being emotionally hurt. Because masculine communication tendencies are different, communicating with an emotionally hurt man requires different tactics than communicating with an emotionally hurt woman.

These tactics, rarely covered in mainstream conversation as a result of stereotypical perceptions of masculine strength, can help break through the barriers built in the wake of emotional pain. Give the man some space. Men in pain often need time alone to process their pain. Attempting to broach a painful subject before the man is ready may cause him to retreat even further into his shell, making communicative progress difficult to achieve.

Lead into the conversation with a pleasant, light topic. If you can make the man smile or laugh, you will have put him at ease. This makes it easier for him to discuss his pain with you. When tense or immersed in his pain, his guard will be up. This defensiveness is a learned defense mechanism. In masculine communication, men are taught to conceal emotions unless in the presence of a trusted confidante, as emotions are construed as a sign of weakness.

Indicate that you are concerned because you have noticed he has seemed distracted. Do not convey that you think he has seemed sad or upset, as this may be perceived as a poor reflection of his manhood, causing him to become defensive and shut down. Emphasize how strong he is in your eyes, playing to his need to feel manly, and tie that perception into your concern. Your perception of him as strong should be the reason that the otherwise insignificant behavioral changes caused you to worry about him.

Listen emphatically to anything he may be willing to share. If he opens up, what you say verbally is far less important than what you say with your nonverbal actions. Lean in, maintain eye contact and give him your undivided attention. Lauren Nelson was a nationally recognized public speaker and debater for eight years and has three years of contracted technical writing under her belt.

Nelson is a graduate of Western Kentucky University with a Bachelor of Arts in corporate and organizational communication and is currently serving as Director of Communications for Attain Capital Management. How to Cope With a Vain Boyfriend. How to Live With a Sarcastic Husband. About Narcissistic Men. Reasons Men Withdraw in a Relationship. An emotionally hurt man can be difficult to communicate with. Our Everyday Video. Brought to you by LEAFtv. Tip This approach is a general one based on years of interpersonal communication research and may not work for every man who has been emotionally hurt.

Every man is different, and it may require slightly different approaches to get the results you desire. Warnings Some emotional trauma may be too severe for the average individual to handle alone. If the man you are trying to communicate with is dealing with severe emotional pain, you may need to seek professional help in getting him to open up. If the man you are trying to talk to is refusing to open up, don't push it. You may end up doing more damage.

References "Emotional Sobriety: Everyday Encounters"; Julia T. Wood; "Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: Volume 1"; Harry T. Reis, et al. Shen-Miller; Resources "Healing Together"; S. Phillips and D. Kane; "Interpersonal Communication: Evolving Interpersonal Relationships"; Pamela J. Kalbfleisch; About the Author Lauren Nelson was a nationally recognized public speaker and debater for eight years and has three years of contracted technical writing under her belt.

If you find yourself dating someone with a guarded heart, understand that: Unfortunately, having been hurt in the past has led us to be untrusting of quiet during a date, we just want to get to know you before opening up about ourselves . Crap! I'm sorry, I can answer this one and I have a great answer and it's right. However I have been “that guy”. infact I am “that guy”. So what I.

I am only 22 years old. Not really looking to settle down anytime soon. Even considering my age.

Being single awards us certain privileges like not having to consider a partner in decision making and taking up literally all the space on the bed at night.

However, getting hurt one too many times can destroy your desire for a relationship. In fact, it can be a real downer.

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Christian Grey. Bruce Wayne. Daegus MacKeltar. All three characters are quite different in many ways but there is one similar characteristic. All three men are emotionally damaged.

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Those in the latter group have often experienced hurt — in some form — at the hands of someone who promised the world only to deliver nothing of the sort. The ability to trust someone else and confidence in their own self-trust. If your computer was hacked, what would you do? In the same albeit, more humanistic way, those whose trust has been violated secure and safeguard their emotions. Similarly, someone whose trust has been abused instinctively begin to fortify a defensive position. Eventually, the person will slowly let their guard down. Still, many will somehow manage to find a person to believe in despite their understandable reservations. But two parts do not make a whole.

When a girl has been hurt in the past, she tends to become very independent.

The past impacts our present every day, whether it's in how we approach certain situations, or how we emotionally react to what people say. In romantic relationships, people can sometimes repeat behaviours to make up for the falls of their previous ones.

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Want to be able to trust again? Everyone has experienced pain and hurt at some point in their lives. We have all felt like our trust has been compromised, and we wonder if we will ever be able to trust again. Those experiences can be very painful, and the feelings are completely normal. You are scared to trust again for fear of future pain. It makes sense…. Betrayal by a loved one brings on some of the most powerful pain imaginable. However, trust is the foundation of all meaningful relationships, and you cannot just skip over it. The good news is that you can trust again. The unfortunate truth is that you may get hurt again someday. So, with this in mind, you may ask how can you ever learn to trust someone again?

How to Communicate to a Man Who Has Been Hurt Emotionally

Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Have you ever wondered why your man appears to be acting a little distant? Here are a few telltale signals he really likes you and wants a relationship but is scared to death! I know you know that weird feeling you get when a man is staring at you. Trust takes time to build and time to let go.

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What does trust mean? Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other. Building trust within a healthy relationship happens gradually. How do you know if you should trust someone? This can be a hard question to answer, especially at the beginning of a relationship, but your own instincts about another person and the way they behave over time are two important things to consider when making that decision. Building trust requires mutual commitment.

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One of the hardest things to do, whether it is with a partner, a friend, a parent, or someone else, is to earn trust. Even harder is earning trust from someone who was hurt in the past. Even if they were hurt by someone other than you, people who have been burnt tend to have a hard time trusting, in general. Here are some things you can do to earn the trust of someone who has been hurt in the past. First, what is trust?

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Feminine socialization emphasizes personal communication, and, consequently, the oft-termed "fairer sex" is generally perceived as being more emotional. However, that does not mean that men are incapable of being emotionally hurt. Because masculine communication tendencies are different, communicating with an emotionally hurt man requires different tactics than communicating with an emotionally hurt woman. These tactics, rarely covered in mainstream conversation as a result of stereotypical perceptions of masculine strength, can help break through the barriers built in the wake of emotional pain. Give the man some space.

This Is How You Love A Damaged Person

Classifying people who have "been hurt" regarding anything to do with dating or love or other people is asinine. We've all been there — most of us are still there to some degree, and to pretend that anybody isn't or that there are some people more affected than others is counterproductive altogether. But the reality is that while we've all been scorched by the romantic blowtorch , we seldom realize, or accept, that other people's hearts are as damaged and salvageable as we want to hope that ours are. We seek love under the premise that we are people of many emotional dimensions but that we're settling if we don't find someone who has a crack in their foundation that they trip on now and again. We don't think of people in all their broken, beautiful glory because we'd rather not address their pain, as it forces us to face our own.

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